Reflection for Parents

It is very challenging to be parents. You will go through a lot of joy and sorrow in the process. The adorable children may sometimes be very demanding to test our boundaries. You may get emotionally frustrated at their behaviour or character. The good news is that it is very normal to have this reaction.

We, as parents, at times find it overwhelming with our children's misbehaviour. When such situation crops up, it is the best time to stop for a while and think about how to manage such situation. What I would normally do is that I'll do my prayer first and meditate on it thereafter. It takes me a while to see from the first person perspective as a mother to the third person perspective as an observer. It is very helpful for us to go through the process as a third person trying to observe and understand what is happening for the mother and child. It is less emotional intense as in a first person position.

I used the following questions to reflect when I encounter such situation that you may find them useful as well.

1) What is happening?
2) Why I am so upset?
3) What is the need of my child? (getting attention, power and control and so on)
4) What is my expectation of my child?
5) What is my own need?
6) How can I calm down myself first?
7) Do I have support from my spouse, friends, relatives or other parents?
8) What is my belief and value of parenting?
9) Do I have any interests or hobbies?

After we pause and think, we will be able to plan for the best strategies and take action. Following that we take action and evaluate our goals and strategies of parenting whether we are moving towards our goals or away from my goals.

The important message here for parents is to take good care of ourselves physically, emotionally and mentally. Only with these we can take good care of our children. As parents, we should give ourselves space and time to do our reflection and reading books or information on parenting, personal and spiritual growth. When we are stressed and frustrated with our work or other matters, it is very hard for us to refocus and center on the needs of our children. Only when we are nourished and our needs were met, we will then be better prepared to attend to the needs of our children.

Copyright (c) 2004-2007, Mak Wai Chong, All rights reserved.


Disclaimers: The author shares this article based on her personal and work experience and disclaims any responsibility for any liability, losses or damages and /or application of any of contents of this article.

Joy with siblings

My eldest son, aged 7, told me that he was very happy to play with his brothers. He especially likes to play with pet toy games, singing, dancing, kicking balls and playing in playground etc. He said, "I feel very excited to play with my brothers because it is very fun and wonderful to have siblings to play and share with." He admitted that even though he sometimes fights and argues with his brothers, he still love them and be friends with them. He said,"It will not be fun anymore if I have no siblings to play and share with."

I still remember when the second son hurt his eye accidentally. My eldest son held his hand gently and gave me the eye wash. After that, the second son felt better because the eldest son took care of him and loved him very much. I felt touched by their love to one another.

As parents, we can ask them questions to let them share about sibling relationship:

1) What do you like to do with your sibling?
2) What is your enjoyable or happiest moment with your sibling?
3) What do you like to play with your sibling?
4) What will be the difference if your sibling is not at home?
5) How do you feel when you play with your sibling?
6) Is there any difficulty when you get along with your sibling?

Mak Wai Chong

http://www.wiseparents.net/

Rejoice every moment with our child

A child is always learning from us (parents) most of the time. We are his or her first teacher. I still remember my third son learnt how to clap his hands in the first time. The video clip showed how he modelled us in clapping his hands when he was 7 months old. It was very memorable moment for us to capture his learning moment. When we are with them, we are able to celebrate or rejoice the developmental milestone together with our children. Can you still remember the first speech, smile, clapping hand, step, crawl, stand etc.? The children are growing up very fast( without our knowing). We try to capture the memorable moment as much as we can. If not, we may regret later.

Question for pondering

I enjoy the time to be with their children. It is joyful to see them grow, learn and struggle. When we are with them every moment, they feel the love and motivate to learn and explore.

I have sometime for reflection and pondering on basic question. I start to ask myself, ”what do I really want to develop in my children?” In the past, my answer was to develop their character of responsibility, honesty and virtue. Now, my answer would be slightly different. I still wanted to instill the good character on them. But, I would like to guide them to find out their mission of life. The good character is the foundation for them to accomplish their mission of life. They need the character foundation and life skill training to accomplish their mission of life.

Welcome to Wise Parents

Welcome to Wise Parents Blog.

In my blog, I would like to share with you about my parenting experience. My husband and I have a lot of struggle in the topics of parenting with our children. We have to align our parenting approach as we come from two different families with different discipline approaches. Finally, we attended different parenting courses offered by Focus on Families and Growing Families. These courses gave us guidelines and insight for our parenting. The most challenging part is to put theory into practice.

In my past 17 years, my mission of life was serving and helping others through my work as a social worker and counsellor. However, I received calling from God to put effort and energy to serve my family as my children (aged 7,5, and 1) need me most at this point of time. I discussed with my husband about refocused on the family. He supports me and I started to work full time at home. I see myself in educating and training my children with good character as my important duty. I feel very happy that I have made an important decision to focus on my family. I am very happy as a mother of 3 adorable children. I simply enjoy sing a song, read a story or cuddle time. I can be with them at this moment. I feel the joy and peaceful with me. Thanks God give me wisdom to be with my family.